On Desire and How to Accept Growth | A Rose in Bloom
“If you can’t have what you want, want something else.”



See Dance to Another Tune

These words came out of my mouth before I even knew I had said them. The conversation arose when we were on the subject of children and moving. One coworker wants to leave Kentucky for allergy and humidity reasons. He wants a drier, healthier climate. My poor bluegrass-allergic husband does too. The only problem is we have no idea where we want to go. Austin? Omaha? Atlanta? Nashville? Portland? Seattle? Somewhere else? We want a city – I've done enough time out in the country to know that while it’s lovely, it’s not what I want. Trips around the States and world have taught me that I love the hustle and bustle of city life, only needing the occasional retreat into a quieter space. I thrive on city energy. I crave change and movement.
Then the subject of children came up. Neither my wandering coworker nor myself have children, and we aren't planning them anytime soon. I casually mentioned how if my husband and I found out one of us was sterile, we would probably move all over the nation. Spend 5 years in Austin, two in Portland, make a pit stop in Omaha, and go God knows where else – all because WHY NOT? I love travel, and even more I love cultures. I love to live and learn in the culture and become a part of it and just as soon as I begin to feel integrated and understand their ways of living, I am ready to move on. I’m not sure if this is a positive or negative trait, but that’s how it is. So naturally, I was lost in my own thought as wanderlust dripped into my toes and whispered what I have asked myself ever since I moved to Lexington: where will we be going next?























Awoken from my dance, I heard a quiet voice from the neighboring desk: Are you actually concerned that you can’t have kids? What will you do if you can’t have children? Wanting to feel snippy (I just said what I would do if I didn't have kids), I instead considered the question with grace. My desk-mate's children are her life and she is a wonderful mother. Her whole world revolves around those three amazing, glowing faces, and I both love and respect her for that. Heck, sometimes I even envy her dedication and sharing nature. She gets such a joy from parenting that it's only natural to wish that kind of happiness onto anyone who can accept it. A true, sharing person like her only wants to spread a little joy, so this is not an offensive question nor even an intrusive one given my generally open nature. Yes, infertility has crossed my mind as a possibility. A possibility in that it's possible for anyone. I am nearly 28 and have never had a single pregnancy scare, so of course I have wondered for a fleeting second. The fact is, I'm ok with that possibility, however small that would be, and this boggles some people.
So many people have a be-all-end-all life goal and the possibility of that not happening... well they don't have a flexible view of the future, let's just say that. Personally, I find it unhealthy. It's so, so important to not over-plan. The road of life will always be filled with goals and plans but there will also be boulders blocking a path from time to time. Sometimes, we can push back or chip away at said rock, but it's also important to know when to cut our losses. When to dry the tears, turn around, and find a clearer path. If I am faced with the impossibility of fulfilled desire, I want to be able to turn around, look up at the sky and say “what's next?” with a smile. I want to pick up my beautiful feet, start walking, and take joy in anything and everything I find.
















So for all you lovely faces, I ask that we create our own happiness and thrive in it. This might be through travel, it might be in writing, or maybe it’s just in making the best cup of coffee to share with your mother every Sunday. Instead of wallowing in grief, I encourage all to take pride and encouragement in anything that they can and to remember that we are all looking to find joy – we may just be looking in the wrong places. Crack a smile and remember that if we can't have what we want most, we can find something else to want, and maybe that was our destiny all along.

13 comments

  1. This post was so beautiful! It's true. I use to get so upset when I couldn't get what I wanted. Then down the line, GOD showed me why it wasn't meant. Too many force things. I think a move would be great for you and your hubby. Do look into each city! The cost of living, if you plan on having a family, environment, and crime. Some things you should research. You have to be honest about your wants and it would also help to write down the benefits and downside of each city you want to live in. Good Luck!
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

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    1. Oh yes, we definitely have been doing our research. The two biggest factors for us are my husband getting a "real" job and finding pitbull friendly housing. Giving up my dog is not an option - she comes with us! So far Austin meets most of our wants, but I'm open to anything. Low crime is obviously preferred lol!

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  2. I loved this post, Elizabeth. I'm feeling that I'm finally going begin to do exactly what I want. Travel and write. I can't wait.

    I hope you find the right city for you & your husband.

    Christina
    www.cityloveee.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you! I'm sure we will find the perfect place or places.

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  3. I personally feel that it's refreshing to see such a positive outlook and you have my respect for that. I used to ask myself why, why why when things don't happen the way I want it to but eventually I understand that things happen or don't for a reason. It'll all work out in the end. xx

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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    1. Thank you! Don't get me wrong - I'm not always as positive as I would like. However, I have definitely grown from the person I was a few years ago. It's so refreshing to not be stressing over things.

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  4. love the quote and the post, very true.

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  5. I think in the US, we grow up in a culture where planning is EVERYTHING. I remember going to college and seeing the kids who had already decided their major, already knew what they wanted to do with their lives and it blew my mind. I'm 27 and I still don't know what I want to do...sometimes it's refreshing, sometimes it's confusing....Whenever my husband and I meet new people and tell them we're married, most people ask (as I'm sure they do to you, too) if we have kids. We always answer with "We have 2 dogs." The people who ask that question usually seem to think that that's not the same...which I know it isn't, but we are in love with our two rescued dogs and I wouldn't have it any other way. But there definitely seems to be a huge divide with people our age...the ones who have kids and the ones who don't. Sometimes I do feel like I am on the outs....I always used to think I wanted kids but as I get older I'm not sure how I feel. All I know is that in this moment, we don't have the time or the money to have a child. There's also quite a bit uncertainty...living abroad...we are planning on moving to the US one day...that day could be next year...or it could be some other time, but I can't imagine thinking about starting a family when I don't know where I'm going to be in the next 1,2 or 5 years. The selfish part of me also thinks that I have so much more to see and do, which I've had to put on the back burner because of circumstance, that I want to be able to do the things I want to do before thinking about that question that seems to hover over our heads.
    I think that is awesome that you guys are open to picking up and moving, not knowing what's to come, but trying it out anyway! As we get older, I think we lose that spontaneity, so I think it's great that you guys are following your hearts (not to sound cheesy) and doing what you feel is right for you! I cannot wait to see where your journey takes you and your family! What you're doing, most people wish they could do. xx

    http://amateandarottweiler.blogspot.com.ar/

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    1. I felt the same way in college. In fact, I think it's madness that at 18 you are supposed to choose something that affects you for the rest of your life! I mean, seriously, how many great decisions did any of us make at 18?! Yes... people always ask if I have kids. I don't mind mostly, but like you said, the divide feels severe at times. That said, I also have 2 dogs and if I have learned anything from them it's that they take A LOT OF WORK. They've definitely taught me a lot about patience and firmness. I recommend all people considering parenthood work with dogs for a year lol. I do think I want a kid at some point, but that point ain't today or tomorrow or next week.

      Hah, sometimes I think I am being selfish because when I do things like go to concerts, day trips, or even have Netflix binges I think "yep, this would be harder if I had a toddler." But whatever. Thank you for your comment! I felt a little scared to put such a serious post out there but I feel so good knowing that others understand my situation.

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  6. Very well said. People ask me this as well. (I'm 29, and unmarried with no kids) I sometimes feel guilty for saying that if I don't end up having kids, it's ok. Thanks for such a thought provoking perspective on the matter!
    www.danastonestyle.com

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  7. Very well said. People ask me this as well. (I'm 29, and unmarried with no kids) I sometimes feel guilty for saying that if I don't end up having kids, it's ok. Thanks for such a thought provoking perspective on the matter!
    www.danastonestyle.com

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  8. This is a lovely post and I loved to read it! I know things don't always go the way we may have wanted them or thought they would turn out. For me I don't have any kids and not sure if that is what I want. I have been married happily for many years and we love to travel together. I guess everyone has a different thought of what should happen in life. I just think we should do what makes us happy! :)

    Rebecca
    www.winnipegstyle.ca

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  9. This has been such a thought-provoking post to read - creating our own happiness is essential and in whatever form it may come in! The sunset image shared in this post is really beautiful, by the way :)

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice

    x

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