10 Things I've Learned to Accept About MyselfWednesday, October 14, 2015
October, my foot. Last week we had some lovely (not) 80 degree days. It's a struggle deciding what to wear each day that we wake up with a chilly 50 degrees that nips our noses and pricks our arms on morning strolls with the dogs. To be cold in the morning, or hot in the afternoon? The other day, I decided not to compromise. I decided to go with a loose knit crochet back sweater that just so happens to match my lovely blue based boho skirt. Despite having both a comfortable and, in my not so humble opinion, very stylish outfit, I couldn't get my hair to behave. After a long, angry struggle, I threw it up in a bun and decided it was time to focus on some acceptance. Here are 10 things that I am slowly, but surely learning to accept as a part of my physical body and my character.
My hair will never, ever be perfect because I won't sacrifice my beliefs for my hair. It shouldn't bother me, but I hate that my hair is messy in all my photographs. I'm always afraid that people will judge me for it, but there's nothing to be done. I live in a humid climate and I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to have messy hair unless I go back to using products that test on animals or be prepared to spend some serious cash. Neither of those things will be happening anytime soon, so maybe now (yes, as I type this) I'm accepting that I have to wear a braid or a bun anytime the weather is pleasant.
I have wide hips and that's not going to change. I posted before about learning to love my body and I'm still slowly but surely reaching acceptance and even pride about my body. Some things you are just born with and it's better to embrace so called "flaws" than to smother them with a cloth grave. For me, my least loved feature is a wide hip frame that leads to a rather rotund rear-end. For a long time I wouldn't wear slim fitting pants because of it, but that's really a silly way to live your life.
I'm an overplanner. Yes, I am terrible about this. I overthink my life and plan way, way far ahead. Heck, I was thinking up January post ideas a few weeks ago. January. One year at a time, please.
I'm a part time perfectionist. This kind of goes with overplanning. If things don't go according to plan, I go into a tizzy. Recently, I wanted to do a certain outfit post and had the perfect backdrop in my mind. Well... turns out that area is busy on Sundays. Cars were coming and going, the sun was bright instead of the overcast skies I had planned for... and I started to get frantic. I could literally feel my heart pacing as the irritation of my plan failing grew. I had to work really hard to not let that sour my day. Really hard. To make it even more ridiculous, I refused to photograph at all instead of just rolling with the punches. On the other hand, I'm not a perfectionist at all about most other things. Anyone who has seen my apartment knows it, ha. I'll have other projects I am working on where I'm too laid back and however things turn out, they turn out. Many a time I've taken ridiculous and careless chances with a meal, with both happy and unhappy results.
I will never have pretty feet so I won't bother with sandals. I have ballerina feet. Feet that have been smooshed, have bunions, cracked toenails etc... it's gross. I'm not wearing sandals.
I'm a hypocrite about many things. Whatever. Remember when I talked about accepting my hip frame? That's awesome! I also just wrote about not accepting my ugly feet. I'd like to believe that's just to save the world a horror story, but it's more likely me being a hypocrite. Whatever.
I won't bother polishing my nails so I should stop buying nail polish. I'm just lazy. Too lazy to even go into further detail. This one speaks for itself, right? Who has time to paint their nails?!
I let my dogs rule a little too much. Just now my dog was asking me to move stuff out of the way so she could get on the couch. And I did it without thinking. Dogs used to not be allowed on the couch. One day I'll crack down... no, I probably won't.
I don't even have a couch. I have a futon. I'm going to still have college furniture at age 30. Yikes.
I go through creative phases, and that's ok. Surely other writers understand? Sometimes, I have a whole lot to say and so many pictures to share. I'll have 10 post ideas all at once and so many great photographs ready to be shared... but I save them for later because I know I'm going to get tired at some point. I have weeks where I have tons of poetry in my head on Friday evening, but by Sunday I'm drained and just want to read and watch X-Files reruns for the next 3 weeks. I used to be afraid of not working on a writing project for more than a few days... but I'm learning to realize you can't schedule creativity. It's ok if I'm drained and don't write for a week. Really, it is. Funnily enough though, I was totally drained this week but I do suppose this has turned into really a rather long blog post. Like I said, you can't schedule creativity. It just happens.
So there you have it, more things you [maybe didn't] need to know about me. What things have you learned to accept lately?